Not So Strange Bedfellows
by Starjargon
Summary: Ten, Eleven, and River have to share a bed, and each at different points have trouble sleeping. Here is how each of them react to restlessness, and how they all deal with it. One- shot so far. T for River flirting.


**A/N- Okay, so basically I had the ridiculously funny and happy thought of Ten and Eleven sharing a bed, and Eleven slapping Ten repeatedly in the face as he reached for River but got the wrong bedmate. This came out of that thought, and turned into something else entirely. May become more, may stay a one-shot. I have most of the whos, some of the whats, but none of the whys to grow this story, so for this one-shot, lets assume younger River, older Ten, married Eleven.**

**Reviews greatly appreciated, along with any suggestions.**

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"And how exactly is this going to work?"

"It's quite simple, Sweetie. This," said River, gesturing around her, "is your room."

"I'm perfectly aware of that, Professor-"

"Shh, spoilers. Well… it's also _his_ room." She nodded her head toward the en suite bathroom, where Tweedy was still in the shower.

"Obviously."

"And my room _is_ his room-"

"Yes, wait- wha-"

"So, clearly, my love, we're all going to have to share," she declared, patting his cheek with a light smile, a shrug, and a slight nod that affirmed finality before moving beyond the speechless (for once) pinstripe- suited Doctor to turn down the bed. "Now, he always takes the left side of the bed- is that something that changed with regeneration or simply what he chose at random?" she asked, not acknowledging the slight awkward rocking he had begun, hands in his pockets.

"Sweetie?" She raised an eyebrow, looking up at him.

"What?" he asked, shaking his head after a beat. He cleared his throat, "Sorry- what was that?"

"I asked if you sleep on the left or right. I suppose unless you're really particular, it doesn't matter either way; the bed is large enough to accommodate even with that man's spread- eagle tendencies."

"Wait, why not just go to the console room and add another bed? Or another room?" asked the befuddled Time Lord.

"Don't be silly, Dear. After all the effort the TARDIS has to put forth already maintaining two of you?! And now you want to stretch her further? No, no. My way is much easier. And much more fun!" she commented gleefully, a devilish look in her eye as she looked him up and down more slowly than he believed necessary.

"River-" he started, an edge to his voice.

"Golly- ooh, that's a nice word! Well, it's been a really long day! And I must say," announced Doctor Bowtie sleepily as he emerged in his kitten- patterned nightclothes, "I can't remember the last time I slept. River?"

"We're in the vortex, Sweetie. Everyone's already down for the night, and the Old Girl's maintaining the paradox."

"Okaaaay," he yawned, already pulling back the covers, placing a cap on his head before seeing his wife's posture, hand on hip and eyebrow raised in warning. He quickly set the cap back down, smiling sheepishly before reaching for her hand. She gave it to him and he pulled her to him firmly, kissing her tenderly as his arms encircled her. She pulled away with a relaxed sigh.

"You coming to bed?" he whispered, not ready to part yet.

"In a little while, my love. Just want to take care of a few things first." She pushed him back toward the pillows gently, smiling to herself as he wiggled under the covers like a five- year old. "Get some sleep." She kissed him once more on the temple, his eyes already closed, mouth open slightly as his breathing slowed.

She turned to his younger counterpart, who was standing a short distance away from the bed, arms crossed.

"And where am I supposed to sleep?" he asked grumpily, eyebrow rising suspiciously.

"On the other side, I've already told you," she sighed, exasperated at the effort this one took. Still. She did love the challenge.

"Right," he responded, his tone still saturated with suspicion. "And you?"

"Where I always sleep, my love. On his right. Why?" she inquired, her tone coquettish in confrontation. "Is that going to be a problem?"

"River," his voice raised just a little dangerously, "you know as well as I do that that would put you right in the middle of us."

"Oh," she said, no trace of regret or surprise as she continued with just a small smirk, "I guess I must have missed that. How… foolish of me."

"You and I both know you are no fool, River Song." His tone was now a warning.

"Sweetie! You really know how to flatter a girl!" she flirted giddily as she playfully slapped his shoulder, bouncing lightly on her feet. She cut him off before he could interrupt. As much fun as she was having, she knew just how tired he must be as well. "Now, stop thinking of all those ways you plan on taking advantage of poor little innocent me and get off to bed. Just because you don't need much sleep, doesn't mean you don't need _any._"

"Innocent?" His eyebrows rose incredulously.

"See, Doctor? Already your mind is going where it has no business being. Now stop it." She swatted at him teasingly once more, beaming widely.

Her flirting and his bickering was interrupted by her husband's suddenly obnoxious noises beside them. They both turned to find him, true to River's word, face down and spread out widely on the bed, snoring loudly.

"Bless. He must have been really exhausted," said River with a fond expression on her face. "Meaning you must be too." She turned toward the Doctor who was admittedly fighting sleep to continue his argument with her. "Now, really, Dear. As long as you promise all limbs and body parts will stay in everyone's respective spaces, I see no reason why we can't all have a nice sleep in this big, soft, comfy bed- specially designed for you by the machine that loves her thief oh so much," she baited him enticingly.

"I just meant to borrow her," he grumbled out of the side of his mouth, the allure of sleep overcoming his reservations. Finally he sighed, pulling the covers back before climbing into the bed, sure to stay as far from the other Doctor (and from where River would surely be) as possible.

"Of course you did, Sweetie. But I highly doubt she ever meant to return you," she agreed, tucking him in despite his mumbled objections at being babied. She pushed the hair from his face, watching as he too quickly succumbed to sleep, before she bent down and kissed his now- peaceful face goodnight.

Not too long later, the dark- haired Doctor reached out sleepily, groping the bed in search of River. His arm stretched farther and farther, his hand patting the empty space beside him frantically as he scooted further and further in. Finally, he began to pat skin, his hand lightly slapping the face beside him.

"Hmm?" Sounded from the confused alien.

"Oi!" screeched an angry man's voice. "Watch it!"

The younger looking Doctor huffed, remembering the events of the previous day as he turned his head to his former self.

"I was looking for my wife! It's not my fault you're in her spot!"

"Wife?! Oh, what else did I suspect, really? She went to have a bath; said something about soaking in an actual private tub."

"Mph!" harrumphed the young- looking older man grumpily as he turned clumsily and noisily onto his back at this statement, much to the chagrin of his current bedmate. "River!" he yelled when he finally had made a full rotation, his head tilted up for maximum door- directed volume, "Are you coming to bed soon?!"

"Seriously?! Some of us _were_ sleeping, you know," complained the younger Time Lord with an eye roll and an angry pout.

"I just want to know when she's coming to bed," argued his successor defensively.

"Be right there, Sweetie," they heard River yell from the bathroom.

"Okay!" her husband yelled back.

When his predecessor turned and fixed him with a very irritated, annoyed look, he stared at him right back, before they simultaneously huffed indignantly and turned facing opposite walls.

"I knew this was a bad idea."

"Just keep your face away from my hands."

"Keep your hands off my face!"

"Really, you two. Do I have to give you both a time out? Or will I just have to find another way to punish you?"

"Ms. Song, I would greatly appreciate it if you could tone down the double entendres and flirting, in light of the situation."

"And I would never make such a ridiculous request, Dear. Now, about this punishment, what did you-"

"Really?! You're really going to do this right now?!"

"Oh, Sweetie. Did the silly old man interrupt your beauty sleep? Not that I think you need it, mind, but I do know how you can pout."

"I'm not pouting!" pouted the younger Time Lord.

"Of course not, my love. You're being a completely and utterly rational young man," she teased, patting his arm in a patronizing manner.

"Oh, I give up. Please, just keep him on his side of the bed!"

"Don't worry, Honey. He'll have to get past me to get to you," she said, eyebrows and voice raising in delight.

"Oh, what's the point?" he whined, turning to face the wall as he forcefully tugged the duvet around himself, his back to the equally smug faces behind him. River took her husband's hand and lithely climbed over him to settle herself in the middle of the two Time Lords, where his previously wandering arm wrapped around her, her Doctor hugging his wife to himself, snuggling his face into her hair, and falling into a quiet and peaceful slumber.

Now unable to fall back asleep, the younger Doctor tossed and turned restlessly in the bed, not able to find comfort and growing increasingly tired and frustrated. Finally, after several long minutes of maddening struggles, he turned onto his side to come face to face with River and his future self.

Now that she was in his arms, he noticed, the other Doctor had stopped the squirming _and_ the snoring he'd been prone to before River had come to bed. He laid there watching them, bewitched by the serene sight in front of him, a look of utter peace and calm the likes of which he couldn't remember feeling in centuries marking the other Doctor's face as he hugged his… _wife_ to himself. If this is what she does to him, he thought, no wonder he married her. He felt a pang of desire for what the man he was not yet had, and a sadness for his lonely side of the bed settled into him as he once more fidgeted in agitation, more restless than before.

At last, when he resigned himself to a sleepless night and had nearly decided to exhaustedly go back to the console room, he felt a hand make its way onto his face. Only this one was smaller and less awkward than the one that had previously slapped him awake. As he turned tired eyes to River, who was reaching out with her eyes still lightly closed, he found himself leaning into her soft touch as she gently rubbed his face, soothing his hair back with her thumb until he was relaxing into her touch. When he found his body inching just so slightly closer to her, her hand lowered until she was rubbing his arm, the motion steady and relaxing. With a grateful smile he realized he was falling asleep under her ministrations, and before his eyes finally shut, he picked up her hand and pressed it thankfully to his lips. She smiled softly, eyes still closed, before she moved her hand to his arm again, easing him into a peaceful, much- needed sleep.

A few nights later, when his older counterpart had decided against sleep for the evening, the younger Doctor climbed into his spot on the bed, no objection coming to his lips or his mind when River made her way to her usual space as well. He automatically reached for her hand by now, placing it on his face so she could sooth him into sleep as she had done every night he'd required it. He noticed her shifting uncomfortably tonight, ever so slightly, but not enough to be a complaint. Finally, they nodded off, still at an arms' length despite his new found comfort with her.

Later, it was her tossing and turning that woke him, and he was surprised to find her seemingly struggling in her sleep with some nameless enemy. His brows lifted in alarm to find her hands clenched in the sheets, her legs kicking as she arched her back, anguish and fear etched on her face as she struggled against non- existent bonds. He studied her, hoping to find an outward cause of her discomfort, before realizing she was having a nightmare- the first sign of weakness he'd witnessed from her since this whole strange adventure had begun. Or ever, he reflected. It surprised him: this resilient, tough woman writhing in terror and pain in her sleep. Then, it suddenly and horrifyingly occurred to him: this was the first night he'd ever seen her sleep without the reciprocating touch of her husband holding her as they calmed each other to slumber.

Briefly, he thought of getting out of bed and bringing that man to her, then realized with a jolt, that man was or would be him. He thought of himself a few nights ago, and every night since, how the beautiful woman before him would stave off her own sleep while rubbing his arm or his face until he fell asleep first before she would allow her hand to drop in exhaustion. He thought of the future him, snoring loudly and spread uncomfortably on his stomach or on whatever unfortunate limb took the current brunt of his clumsy sleep patterns, until his arms encircled River, who gave him something to hold himself steady with. And he thought of her light manner and ready jokes every time he'd met her so far, despite his complete hostility toward her.

And suddenly, he found himself reaching gently for her face, his thumbs soothing back her hair, his hands on either side of her head as he bowed his own toward hers and thought beautiful thoughts into her dreams. Finally, she stopped thrashing and started breathing more evenly, relaxing into his touch, until he found himself wrapping his own arms around her, pulling her body to him as he hugged her, safe and solid in his arms. And after he'd woken up after his first entire night of sleep in centuries, he discovered why he would one day reach for her for as long and as far as he needed until he found her once again.


End file.
